Career advice: Dealing with Personal Questions in Interview

You're right in your assertion that any question about your plans for having children (or other personal matters) isn't really relevant to your qualifications for a job. But as we all know, many employers still ask such questions. We know it is illegal in an interview to ask any question for the purpose of discriminating on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, birthplace, age or physical disability. Questions in an interview are supposed to be related to the job you are seeking, and not to personal issues. But as we also know, many employers still ask personal questions, more often out of ignorance than as an intentional effort to ignore the law. Many times an interviewer will ask just such a question in a misguided attempt to be friendly.

It's understandable (though perhaps objectionable) to see how an employer might feel it has a justifiable right to certain kinds of information about you, especially about your plans for children since your performance in the job will be affected (at least for some period of time). We imagine that some less well-informed employers don't realize this kind of question can be discriminatory, but see it rather as a way to judge if they can count on you to be at your job over the long haul.

You can debate all day long the legality of this and what, if any, recourse you might have when asked this kind of question, but we think the key is to determine how you want to handle such a question when it does come up, as you rightly suspect it will on some occasions. The way we see it you can go one of three ways:

• You can answer the question honestly and run the risk of revealing information that may cost you the job offer. If you choose this option, answer in briefly and then quickly move the discussion back to something relevant to the job.
• You can refuse to answer the question. Depending on what you say and how you say it, you may appear defiant, hostile and contrary. If you choose this option, better to go with, "I'm wondering in what way that is relevant to the job?" then "You can't ask me that question -- it is illegal!" You can also try "That question makes me uncomfortable and I'd really rather not answer it." This kind of an answer isn't usually perceived as overly hostile and may keep the discussion open until you can decide if the job is one you want to consider. (If you get too many inappropriate/illegal questions in one interview, you'll know the job environment probably won't work for you!) The best strategy, however, is to try and sidestep the question altogether and redirect the discussion to a new job-specific topic area.
• Finally, you can try to discern the intent of the question and provide an answer that will satisfy both you and the interviewer. It's OK to ask the interviewer for more information about his or her underlying concern so you will understand how to secure the person with your answer. In terms of the "Do you plan on having children?" question, you might respond, "I don't have any plans at this time. I can tell you that I'm very interested in developing my career. Now, I’d like to call your attention to my experience and expertise in..." or, "I try to balance my work and my personal life. I can guarantee you that I have always been focused on and committed to my job responsibilities, and my personal life has never interfered with my performance."

A final note: Discrimination is ugly and it does occasionally happen. If you are certain that an interviewer asked you an illegal interview question with the intent of using your answer as a basis for making a hiring decision, you can make a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Remember, however, just because an illegal question is asked doesn't necessarily mean a crime has been committed. It is up to the courts to determine whether the information was used in a discriminatory manner. However, if you feel you have to do something to pursue such a matter further, contact the EEOC at to find your local branch and file a report.