I work in an office of about 24 people in the real-estate sector. I like my job and most of my co-workers, except one. He's obnoxious and always eager to belittle me and others. He seems to take delight in making people feel inadequate. I know this might sound like no big deal, but having to deal with him day in and day out is ruining my life. What can I do?
Your situation does indeed sound like a "big deal." It's difficult to remain positive about a job when someone's behavior can hurt or anger you at the drop of a hat. You've probably tried avoiding him to no avail, since people like this often have an uncanny knack of knowing how to elicit an emotional response from others. We suspect any attempt to be nice, with the hope that he might go away and find someone else to bother, hasn't worked, either.
In these situations, all you can do is change your emotional reaction. If you expect that somehow your good intentions and fine character will change his personality for the better, you'll be sorely disappointed. Instead, understand how he pushes your hot buttons and then adapt your behavior so you don't get upset. Your best line of defense in diffusing him is to gain an understanding of the fear and insecurity that drives him to behave poorly. If he weren't so obnoxious, you'd probably feel sorry for him. We can guarantee that people who are happy with themselves and feel good about how they do their jobs don't behave this way.
We're not saying that this is an easy task. You'll have to dig deep into your well of personal strength and patience to gain the upper hand. For help, an excellent resource is the book, "Dealing With People You Can't Stand" by Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner (McGraw-Hill Trade, 1994).