A person in my team had a birthday last week and someone pooled money for a gift. No one asked me to contribute and I didn't realize a collection was being taken up. When they presented the gift, I was embarrassed because my name was not listed on the card. I'm mad for being left out and feel paranoid since I've never been excluded before, as far as I know. How can I handle this?
We think you should take action immediately. Start by approaching the person who arranged this gift. Tell him or her that you're embarrassed to have been left out and wonder what you should say to the gift recipient if asked why your name was not on the card. Perhaps you can find out the missing piece of the puzzle this way, since this person will have to respond. Listen carefully to the answer and try to judge if the mistake was deliberate or an oversight.
Next, go to the person celebrating the birthday with a small gift of your own and explain that for logistical reasons you weren't able to contribute to the group gift. Then talk privately with the person in the group with whom you have the closest relationship. Ask him or her to be honest and tell you if there's something that you've done to alienate the others.
Once you've taken these steps, you should have an idea as to why you were left out. If you discover that there's something you've done to cause a problem, fix it. If it turns out this was the act of one mean-spirited person, you'll have to figure out how to avoid similar problems in the future. If it was just a thoughtless mistake, let go of it and move forward.
On first glance, trivial problems such as these don't seem important. However, if left unchecked or unexplained, they often grow into more serious issues, which can erode job satisfaction and morale needlessly.